Goodbye four
Dear Dax,
I'm writing this to you on the eve of your fifth birthday. FIFTH! I don't know why but this seems like such a huge milestone to me. Not to you, though. You don't seem to understand why I had to give you extra hugs and kisses tonight. You are just excited that you get to go to Funderland again tomorrow and there will be more presents to open and mommy's homemade chocolate chip cookies to eat.
I just left you in your bed reading Zach's Alligator Goes to School. You read yourself to sleep now because, after all, you are on the brink of five. I hugged you extra tight and kissed you and said, "Goodbye, four." Then I got a little misty. But not you. You grinned.
Before you went to bed tonight you and I took a stroll down memory lane. I told you about what daddy and I were doing five years ago tonight (walking, walking, walking, walking, trying to get you to COME OUTTA THERE ALREADY). I told you the story of your birth. We looked at what you looked like on August 30th from the time you were just born until last year. Tomorrow there will be more pictures that we will someday look back on and marvel at how small you were but tonight you feel bigger than big.
Four was pretty awesome, wasn't it? You did so much! You grew an unbelievable amount, learned to read, started Kindergarten. Sometimes it was hard. You are no longer willing to just do what we ask of you or to accept "because" as an answer for anything. Part of me finds that really REALLY frustrating (as you obviously know) but there's another part of me who is secretly excited to see you becoming who you are becoming. Let's face it, becoming someone requires a whole lot of rebelling against who you currently are. That makes NO sense to you right now but when you are older you will totally get it and then you will look back on some of these hard times and smile. I hope you come back and read this someday when you are grown and cheer a little bit for the little rebel you became when you were four.
Tomorrow you will wake up and you will be five. Wanna know something really bizarre? I completely remember when I woke up five. I have a very small number of memories from before then but I remember a LOT about being five. I remember Kindergarten (and I am still friends with one of my best friends from that time so think about that the next time you are missing your best friend Preston). When I was five I loved the TV show "Love American Style" and my favorite food was something I called "flat noodles" (some sort of boxed stroganoff thing). I had red sneakers.
I tell you this not so much because I think you are all that interested in what I was like when I was five but because I am excited that you are at the age where some of the memories we are building might be some of your favorites when you are grown. I have always loved building memories with you but, up until now, they were mostly memories that only I would get to keep. From here on there's a good chance that when I say, "Do you remember?" you will smile and answer "Yes!"
As you turn five you have a lot of interests and likes and dislikes (of course) that are very different from those you had when you were about to turn four. When you turned four you told me that I had to read four books to you each night (because you were four) and you promised me that you were going to start eating and listening. I must say that you held pretty true to your word. We still have some challenges with that listening thing but you are much improved.
As you turn five you are reading your own stories (although you still like for us to read to you as well). You have a herd of stuffed animals who share your bed (Horsey, Horse Horse, Thom, Lizardy, Ox, Jero, Cottonball, Stripey, Spotty). You have favorite articles of clothing that you would wear every day if you could and that makes me really happy that your school requires a uniform. You love music. You love to draw. You love to write. You draw a LOT of pictures of you and me with hearts floating around us and "MOMMY I LOVE YOU" and I can't tell you how much that means to me.
I'm feeling a little melancholy tonight, I confess. And here is where you, at almost five, would ask for a definition of that word so you could file it away in your brain only to pull it out and use it sometime when I least expect it. You are still struggling with the correct use of consternation but I really admire your effort. Just so you know, when I say I am feeling melancholy I mean that I feel a little bit sad and thoughtful. I'm only sad because the time is passing so quickly, though. You know how I always ask you to stop growing up so fast and you smile and laugh at me and say, "But I can't!"? I know that, my sweet, but I still try.
Sweet dreams, four. Five, I'll be seeing you in the morning. Hope you are well rested because we've got a wild ride ahead of us.
Love you so,
Mommy