Dax's Journal

The prospect of taking care of Embry reminded me of a conversation I had
with my neighbor several years ago about taking care of parents. It first
came about after he had asked me if I was ever planning on having kids. He
said that it would be nice to have kids, that way I could have someone take
care of me when I got older.

As I was growing up, I was thinking that I wouldn’t even begin to start
taking care of my parents until I was in my 40’s or 50’s. That all changed
in 1992 after my mom was diagnosed with Neurocysticercosis. Cysticercosis is
basically a parasitic disease that can be dormant for years before it starts
to cause problems. After researching this disease, I surmised that my mom
got it after eating undercooked pork when she was living in the Philippines.
I’d venture to say that it was dormant for a good 35 plus years before
the symptoms started showing.

In my mom’s case, the cysticercosis affected her brain where it eventually
led to hydrocephalus (swelling of the brain). As a result, Mom gradually
lost control of her motor functions and had, to put it simply, a stroke. The
doctors helped my mom by placing a shunt inside her head so that it would
drain the fluid from the cysts, into a pipe, and into the abdomen area. It
sounded simple enough, but apparently my mom’s system kept rejecting the
shunt. She had to go through 6 or 7 (I lost count after 3) major brain
surgeries before the right configuration was found. Finally, after 4 months
in the hospital, she was able to go home. Thus began the “taking care of the
parent(s)”. I had put my life on hold; I quit my job and school to take care
of mom. She got back up to speed pretty quickly and was able to walk around
with a cane. 6 months later, she had a relapse, and had to go back for
surgery again.

This time, the shunt the doctors put in, worked (and has for the past 11 years). But mom never completely got her motor functions back and to this day uses a walker.

My dad was around to help with my mother until 2000, when he passed away. By then I was out of the house and the onus of taking care of my mom was pretty much placed on my sister since she lived closer to Hollister. My sister is a
saint and I don’t even know how I can even start to repay her for all of the
years she’s had to deal with my mom.

It’s because of this that I’m different from most other guys. Most guys just
have a mom/wife to deal with; with me, it’s a mom/wife/sister scenario.

My neighbor said it all occurs in phases. First you take of your babies and
then you take care of your parents. I wish it were as simple as that.