Dax's Journal

I had been having contractions fairly regularly for a couple of days before Dax finally arrived. They never got stronger or closer together and I was starting to think he was never coming out. But on the morning of August 30th (which was a Monday, by the way), I woke up very early because the contractions had gotten stronger. At 6AM, the alarm went off and I got up to go to the bathroom. When I got up, my water broke! At least, I thought it did. It wasn't quite what I expected.

I called Labor and Delivery to explain what had happened and to ask them what we should do. In the meantime, Cat sort of wandered around in a daze and asked, "What do I do?" I had an appointment at 10:15 that morning for fetal monitoring and the nurse at Labor and Delivery told me to just keep the appointment. Even they weren't sure by my description of what had happened that my water had broken.

As I waited for my appointment, the contractions started to come about every 15 minutes but they didn't hurt too bad so I didn't think much about them. I went to the appointment I had scheduled and they decided that I should probably go to Labor and Deliver to be examined. I called Cat from the parking garage and told him I was going to be examined at the birthing center. I said that I'd let him know if they were going to admit me. I was so dreading going there and having them send me home again.

When they examined me at Labor and Delivery they confirmed that my water *had* broken and they found that I had dilated to 4 centimeters so that meant that he was really on his way. I was so excited, I insisted on calling Cat right there from triage before they even took me to my room. It was 1:40PM.

My contractions were still coming regularly but they weren't really getting stronger. Cat showed up within the hour and we even took some time to call some people to let them know I was in labor.

At 4:00, one of the doctors came to tell us that they were going to give me Pitocin to make my contractions stronger. Because my water had broken in the morning, they were worried about infection and wanted to hurry things up a bit. That's when things started moving really fast.

By 5:40, the contractions started coming every couple of minutes and they were really, really painful! This is when I stopped smiling and happily announcing, "I'm in labor!" This is when I totally stopped being a lady and started to liberally fling about the "F" word. Cat was incredible. He held my hand and told me stories to keep me distracted. I couldn't remember any of the stories he told me now if my life depended on it, but I remember focusing on his voice to get through the contractions.

They eventually gave me some sort of pain medication that made me feel as if I had sunken about 2 feet deep into the mattress but the pain was still just as bad. By 7:00, I wussed out and asked for an epidural. That only took about ten minutes to do and I felt so much better afterwards that I professed my deep and abiding love for the anesthetist.

All the nurses I had had up until then were awesome. Unfortunately, the night nurse who was there for his birth was completely inept. COMPLETELY. Cat and I didn't trust her at all. At about 10:00, she checked me to see how dilated I was. She said I was fully dilated and that I needed to do a "practice push". First of all, I didn't trust her enough to know if I was really dilated to 10. And there was no way I was going to do any pushing with just her in the room. So I told her no and told her to get the doctor. She said she had already paged them but that I needed to start pushing because it was my first baby and I'd "be pushing for hours". Again, I told her no. Cat was right there by my side backing me up. Most of you know how quiet he is. He wasn't then. He was very vocal and strong and I knew that everything was going to be fine.

The doctor (and her entourage) arrived shortly after that. It was about 10:15. She explained to me how to push and told me to go ahead and do a "practice" push. I heard her say to the resident that the baby was starting to crown, so they told me to STOP PUSHING while they made sure everything was ready. In another five minutes or so, I had my legs propped up by the attending resident on one side and Nurse Inept on the other. Cat was at my head, supporting it as I pushed. I felt like I had an entire cheering squad. The doctor and resident were awesome, coaching me through pushing and counting for me. Nurse Inept shouted "PUSHPUSHPUSHPUSH" frantically at me and, if I could have moved my leg, I would have kicked her in the mouth. Cat held my head and told me what a great job I was doing. I focused on him because he seemed so calm and so confident in me.

It took three sets of pushes to get him out. Seriously. My expected "hours" of pushing turned into "minutes". The first three "sets" included three pushes each and the last one included four. And then he was there. I looked down and saw him flailing his little arms around and screaming his head off. He promptly peed on the doctor to announce his arrival.

We had been told that Dax would be taken from us for the first four hours of his life so that his blood sugar levels could be monitored. I'm happy to report that they did not take him. They left him with us and did all his tests in my room. Cat was there for Dax's wipe down and while they weighed him and did his APGAR. Then Cat got to hold him. He brought Dax over to me so I could sniff his little head while the doctor stitched me up.

Once they had me stitched and cleaned, I got to hold my baby and try to breastfeed. Mostly I just stared at him in wonder. I still do that. Stare at him. I can't believe he's ours.

This first couple of weeks of his life have flown by. It has been the most amazing and stressful two weeks of my life. I love this child intensely. I also worry more about him than I have ever, ever, ever worried about anything in my entire life. He is so adorable and he smells so good. I love holding his tiny, warm body next to mine and smelling his sweet baby smell. I love watching Cat hold him as he sleeps. I love his funny, unfocused looks and the weird little noises he makes.

Cat has just been incredible. I expected him to be supportive during my labor and Dax's delivery but he really went beyond my expectations. Let's face it, no matter how much you try not to see what's going on when your wife is having a baby, there's a certain amount of "fallout" that you can't avoid seeing. He didn't pass out or get sick or run away. He was calm and strong and supportive and wonderful and he continues to be that way now that we are all home learning to be a family.