Dax's Journal

Incongruous

While sitting in a particularly somber meeting today, I noticed a distinct footprint on the table. It wasn't a shoeprint, it was a footprint. I looked upward to see if there was a vent or a light or something above it. It would still be strange to see a footprint, but at least there would be some remotely logical reason for it. There was nothing up there. I was suddenly struck with a vision of someone dancing barefoot on the table. The very table where several grumpy and tired people were now sitting around. I stifled a giggle behind my hand and pretended to yawn.

Several hours later, I left my office and battled traffic for a few blocks until I reached the backroads that lead to my house. It always seems so strange to leave an office in a city and ten minutes later be driving past deer and cows and sheep and emu. It just doesn't seem to fit. I drove with all the windows down and sang loudly (and badly) along with the radio. The smell of orange blossoms and lilacs alternated with the smell of wineries and farm animals.

When I got home tonight, Cat was barbequeing dinner. I sat and played a video game until he called me to the table. Then I ate a big ol' piece of steak. That's right. I ate steak. And it was delicious.

18 Weeks

This week, our baby is twice as big as he/she was last month and weighs about 7 ounces. I'm surprised to read that the baby's chest moves up and down to mimic breathing even though he/she is only taking in amniotic fluid.

I have no fruit references this week and I feel oddly lost without one.

I'm definitely feeling more kicks and swishes this week. And I most definitely have noticed a BIG change in the belly. People at work are starting to comment that I am beginning to "pop".

I can't wear some of my clothes now. I don't know if you are aware, but maternity clothes are ugly. Let me clarify. Maternity clothes for the plus-sized gal are ugly. And expensive. Ridiculously expensive. So I've just resorted to buying stretchy clothes in bigger sizes. They still aren't fashionable, but at least I'm not busting the bank.

Can you believe that, in two more weeks, we'll be halfway there? Amazing!

Soccer pro?

I had another appointment yesterday with Marion and I finally got to hear the baby's heartbeat.

It took awhile for her to find it. I was getting a little worried. I finally spoke up and said, "I know that the baby has a heartbeat. I've seen it in the ultrasound." She explained to me that she had been chasing my squirmy child from one side of my belly to the other. She said she had to catch it between the shoulderblades and that's a very small space. A very small space that keeps moving away from her whenever she gets near. I only got to hear the heartbeat for about 15 seconds before the baby decided to relocate once again.

I also got to hear the baby kicking me. The baby is kicking me a lot. I'm only feeling a few of those kicks but it was amazing to hear how many kicks were actually going on in there. Maybe we've got a little soccer pro?

Right now I'm really enjoying feeling the kicks and flutters. But when our little one is big enough that it feels he/she is playing soccer with my spleen, I may be less excited.

Our next ultrasound isn't until the end of April. I'm a little bummed out that I have to wait that long. Hopefully, we'll be able to tell the sex of the baby by then.

I've been feeling amazingly good lately. I've even been building my workouts back up. Cat has been great about walking with me when time and weather permit. I've also been back on the elliptical trainer. It has been slow working my way back up. I'm just now up to walking a mile at a time or doing 20 minutes on the elliptical. I'm just taking it slow.

Lula

This is Embry's Lula. That's Ilocano for "Grandma". As most of you will likely never meet her, I thought I'd post her picture here. Isn't she adorable?

She will very likely teach our baby many Ilocano words that we will not understand. For all we will know, she could be encouraging our baby to lock us in the closet and take a bus to Hollister to visit her more often.

She will also crochet a lot of things for the baby. Between Lula and Grandma Diana, this baby will never want for homemade clothes and blankies.

SF

We went to San Francisco this weekend in the "new" 4-Runner. I have decided that I adore this vehicle because it has a sunroof. There is nothing better than a sunroof on a perfect San Francisco day.

We hadn't been back to the city since we were there at Christmas with my parents. Cat found a great little path along the ocean that was not too much for the pregnant woman to handle. And the day could not have been more perfect.

As first-time parents, we are not (too) ashamed to admit talking to our unborn child about how much we love San Francisco and how much we hope the baby will also love it.

17 Weeks

Our baby is now just over 5 inches long and weighs about 5 ounces. His/her skeleton is mostly rubbery cartilage, which will harden later.

As for me, I'm reading that I may feel off-kilter because my center of gravity has shifted. I may also be forgetful. Both of these are true. But I'm also feeling better than I've felt in a long time.

I'll see my nurse practitioner again this week and will likely make my appointment for the next ultrasound. Once we find out if we are expecting a boy or a girl, we'll start working on the nursery and registering for all the things a baby needs. How exciting!

Bye Bye, Dear Friend

My Dream Truck:

2002 Toyota Tacoma, 4WD, V6, SR5, TRD package, AC, Power everything, locking rear differential, tinted windows, the list goes on. This thing had it all. I was going to run this thing into the ground, and believe me, I was doing it. I owned the thing for only 22 months and it already had 52,000 miles on it.

It's been three days since we traded the Truck in for the 4Runner, and I still can't believe that the Truck is gone. I didn't realize that I could be so attached to a truck.

I'll always remember the good times we had together. The mud flying through the air when off-roading by the deep-water channel in West Sacramento. The sound of the tires crunching the snow in the Sierras. Setting up the camera and tripod in the bed of the truck to take photos of a closed nuclear plant. Watching fireworks in the comfort of the Linex-lined bed. Driving through a Giant Redwood.

Take care, big guy.

16 Weeks

So, we basically just skipped over week 15 and are now at week 16.

Babycenter.com, ever the fan of comparing my child to fruit, says that the baby is about the size of an avocado now. In the next three weeks, the baby will double his/her weight and add inches to his/her length.

Because I worry about the baby getting bored in there with nothing to do, I'm happy to read that he/she may be playing with the umbilical cord and practicing breathing by inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid.

I also read that I may be feeling ligaments stretching to make room for all this growth. That's definitely true. I have been feeling that. It is mildly unpleasant but it is also sort of reassuring because it reminds me that the baby is growing and just needs more room.

Ultrasound

We had another ultrasound yesterday to measure the baby. I now have a new due date. Instead of September 5th, we'll be shooting for August 28th. Of course, I'm not under the delusion that my baby will actually be born on the due date. I know that is rare.

This was Cat's first time seeing the baby. His reaction was wonderful. His eyes were so wide and he looked very much like the proud papa. The baby was not quite as active as he/she was during the first ultrasound. There was a lot less spinning and a lot more kicking. Our baby likes to cross his/her legs and to kick like a little rabbit. He/she also seems more into head over feet tumbling now.

This is the profile and you can see the baby's jawbones. The ultrasound technician said it looks like the baby is trying to figure out how to get his/her thumb into his/her mouth in this shot.

And here's our baby looking like something from the Roswell videos.

Everything looks good. We even got to see the baby's heart, stomach, kidneys, and brain. At least that's what we were told. To be honest, I have a hard time figuring out what I'm looking at during an ultrasound. The only thing I recognize is the head and the flailing and kicking limbs. Even though our baby looks like he/she has no legs in these pictures, I can attest that the legs are definitely there and that they are quite active.

Our next ultrasound will be at 20 weeks and we will hopefully be able to tell what gender our baby will be.

Sacrifice

We made our first child-related sacrifice yesterday. Actually, it was more Cat's sacrifice than mine.

We traded in Cat's Tacoma. See, the truck was just not going to cut it as a "family car". There was little chance we could even fit a childseat in the extended cab. And even if we could fit one, we didn't feel that was a safe option.

I'm surprised at how sad I was to see the truck go. I really thought he'd own that thing forever. Seriously. Like, even after it died? He'd build a shrine for it and keep it on display, telling heartfelt and bittersweet stories about all the fond memories he had with his beloved truck.

Let us all pause for a moment of silence for the passing of the truck.

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Ok. On to the new addition to our garage. We now have a '99 Toyota 4-Runner. I'm sure we will grow to love the 4-Runner as we loved the truck. It will just take a little time.

The 4-Runner is a silver 5-speed manual 4 wheel drive. It has leather seats. Does anyone know how well baby puke cleans off of a leather seat? Should we consider covering those things up? It has a moon-roof, which is my favorite thing about it so far. Cat drove it to Hollister last night and reported that it went up and over Pacheco pass with ease (better than the truck). It also has loads of space for things like a baby, a diaper bag, a stroller or two, a portable playpen, toys.....and whatever else goes with a baby when a baby must go somewhere.

I talked to my mom last night and she asked me if I felt that we had suddenly been thrust into the adult world. The answer to that is YES. I mean, I thought we were adults. Well, mostly. We have jobs and we pay bills. We have responsibilities and stresses and all that stuff you think of when you think of adulthood. At least I thought we did. But now that we are getting ready for our first child, I realize that what we've had is "adulthood lite".

One benefit of the timeframe of human gestation is that you have enough time to sort of realize how much your life is going to change and then you sort of have enough time to prepare for it. When I say "sort of", I'm referring to approximately 10% of the impending change and about 5% of the time to prepare for it. This morning I woke up and had a moment of semi-panic thinking about how the baby is going to be here in the end of August and I still have my elliptical trainer in the nursery. OH MY GOD! The elliptical trainer is still in the nursery! How will we ever be ready for a baby?????

Deep breath. Deeeeeep, deep breath.

The Love

I love having this journal!

Thank you all for adding your wonderful comments. I'm so happy that my friends and family are involved in this way.

I've also gotten some incredibly sweet e-mail from Aunt Carol and Gram and Dana. Of course, I already mentioned the card from the Junior Murphys. And my mom has already written the baby his/her first "snail mail" (which hasn't gotten here yet but which we are eagerly awaiting).

I'm saving all of these things.

I was thinking today about how much of this baby's early memories are being built electronically. I had a baby book when I was born. It was a hard covered, yellow baby book where my mom kept track of gifts I was given and my first word and my first haircut and all that fun stuff. When our baby wants to see his/her "baby book", we'll have to log them into the computer!

At least for part of it. I'm sure we'll have a regular baby book, too. And scrapbooks. Ah, who am I kidding? I'm so excited about this baby, I wouldn't be surprised if it has it's very own DVD series.

Feeling

I think I may be feeling the baby moving.

The first time it happened, it felt like a tiny tapping of morse code just below my belly button. The next time it happened, it was a weird swishy feeling. (No, I can't be any more descriptive than "swishy".) There have been some swishy and even...um...twittery feelings here and there for the last few days.

Here's the thing. I'm pretty sure it is too early to feel the baby moving. Although Baby Center says it sometimes happens as early as week 14. I'm not sure. But I want to think it is the baby I am feeling.

Then again, I could be feeling my lunch digesting.

I can't wait for Friday and our ultrasound!

Mail

We got our first "congrats" card today. It was from Johannah, Sean, Jack, Peter, and Charlie. Of course, it made me cry. In a good way! It was just so sweet. (We also got a picture of Charlie. Sean and Johannah sure do make cute kids.)

Part of the crying is also because we were hoping to visit them in May and now we won't be. Obviously, we have a very good reason for postponing our trip. I'm still sad that we won't see them for awhile because I miss them all so very much.

Actually, I've been missing all of my family and friends more than usual lately. Why can't you all just move here?

Green Cuisine

I had my strangest pregnancy craving yet over the weekend.

Remember when I wrote about the fresh cut grass and how good it smelled? Well this weekend, that crossed over to, "Can I eat that?" Seriously. I wanted to eat grass.

Fortunately for me, I remembered today that I can get wheatgrass shots at Jamba Juice. If you've never had a wheatgrass shot, just know that it tastes exactly like what a freshly mowed lawn smells like. And that was exactly what I've been wanting.

Later, we tried to figure out what the heck my body needs that is causing me to want to eat grass (or drink wheatgrass by the gallon). I looked it up on the internet and found out that wheatgrass has 23 amino acids, vitamin K, iron, folic acid, potassium, selenium, vitamin C, and antioxidants.

I also noticed that the best part of my dinner tonight was the raw spinach and the two pickles. Looks like I've entered my green phase.

Crying Stimuli II

"Hank of the Hill"...as long as I can remember, I've called the tv show King of the Hill "Hank of the Hill".

In last night's episode, Peggy Hill takes over as the Cheerleader Instructor. At the end of the show, when the Arlen Middle School football team needs a few yards, Connie leads the crowd with the following cheer:

"Go Arlen, Fight! Fight! Fight! Push the ball with all your might!"

Cue Michelle's crying.

14 weeks (or so)

This week may or may not be week 14.

The big news this week is hair. The baby is apparently growing hair on his/her head, eyebrows, and all over his/her body. My baby is becoming some sort of monkey child.

Some of the baby's muscles are starting to work now too. This week he/she can grasp, squint, frown, and grimace. The baby may even be able to suck his thumb.

As for me, my tummy is definitely pookier than it used to be. I don't know that anyone else would notice, but I do. I also sort of feel like I've been taken apart and put back together with stretchy rubber bands. Everything feels loose, as if I'm in danger of suddenly dropping a limb in the middle of the street.

I'm not sick anymore. I'm still tired, but I seem to be able to stay awake for longer stretches of time. I'm starting to feel some discomfort in my hips. Mostly when I sleep and right after I walk.

We're excitedly looking forward to Friday because that's when we get to see the baby again during the ultrasound. It will be Cat's first time to see the baby and I can't wait to see how he'll react.

The Manual

I like this book because it's technical. Here's an excerpt:

The Baby: Diagram and Parts List
Virtually all current models come pre-installed with the following features and capabilities. If the baby is missing one or more of the functions described herein, contact the baby's service provider immediately.

The Head
+The Head: May initially appear unusually large or even cone-shaped, depending on model and delivery option.
+Circumference
+Hair: Not available upon delivery with every model. Tint may vary.
+Fontanels (Anterior and Posterior)
+Eyes

The Body
+Skin
+Umbilical Stump
+Rectum
+Genitals
+Fuzz
+Weight
+Length
+Neck

There's a bunch of detailed info I left out, but you get the idea.

Love/Hate

Is it wrong to pledge my undying love for a bottle of Fruit Punch Gatorade?

I noticed cravings and aversions fairly early in my pregnancy. I think I had so many strong aversions to smell and taste when I was getting sick so often that I didn't believe there would ever be things that smelled and tasted REALLY good.

I'm entering a phase now where there are things that smell and/or taste good. And I'm a freaking lunatic about it.

Cat mowed the lawn yesterday right before we went for one of our walks. When I came outside, I swear I wanted to lie face down on the freshly mowed lawn and breath in that grass smell. Freshly cut grass has got to be the best smelling thing on the face of this planet. I want to keep a small bag of it around my neck so I can just stick my face in there at random and sniff. I want grass scented soap and shampoo and lotion. I want an entire blanket woven from fresh cut grass so I can sleep in that smell.

For lunch the past couple of days, I've been eating cottage cheese and Triscuits (with some sort of fruit and a glass of milk). This is the best meal on the face of the planet at this time. NOTHING can beat cottage cheese and Triscuits.

Tonight I was standing in front of the refrigerator looking for something for dinner. That's when I saw the Gatorade. It looked yummy because it was red. Seriously, my brain said, "Mmmm. Red!"

I'm drinking it right now. I noticed that I was drinking and then smacking my lips and proclaiming the yummy-ness of the red Gatorade. I was loving the Gatorade so much, in fact, that I felt the need to tell all of you about how freaking DELICIOUS the Gatorade is. The Gatorade is, dare I say, even better than cottage cheese and triscuits.

My saving grace is that I know this is somewhat normal. I've heard women speak passionately about Taco Bell and cinnamon rolls. I've seen a woman reminisce with a look of utter bliss on her face about the oodles of strawberries she ate while pregnant. I've even heard one story about a woman who liked to suck on Q-tips while she was pregnant.

Now I must go and finish my Gatorade.

Mmmmmm. Gatorade.

You say Doughnut, I say Donut

So there's this tradition at my work where, if a big event happens (new car purchase, new baby, project is completed, etc.), one must buy donuts.

Actually, if one does something wrong (phone goes off in the middle of a meeting, you forget to sign out), one must also buy donuts.

It's called a "Donut-able Offense." No, I don't know how the tradition started and no, I don't know why when something good happens you have to buy donuts. My theory is that at one point, the tradition sort of melded between the good and the bad. Most of the time, no one really knows why someone brought in the donuts.

Anyways, I brought in donuts to let everyone know about our little zygote, Embry. People stopped by my office throughout the day to congratulate me, and at one point, one of the conversations turned to baby names.

Apparently, the husband of one of the young engineers is adamant that if they have a boy, the boy's middle name will be Danger. That way, the boy can say the classic line:

"Danger's my middle name..."

Week 13

Going by our original due date estimation, this is week 13. I'm officially in the second trimester.

I read that the baby is anywhere from 2 1/2 to 4 inches long from crown to rump. These same sources are very big on comparing my unborn child to fruit. This week, my baby is a peach or a half a banana. The baby also apparently already has tiny fingerprints. I've read that, if I poke my stomach gently and the baby feels it, he/she will start rooting — that is, act as if she's searching for a nipple.

As for me, I'm feeling much better. I'm still quite tired but I'm not getting sick nearly as often. In fact, I've only gotten sick once in the past three days. I'm also extremely moody. But who's to say if that's the pregnancy or not? I'm not the most emotionally stable individual.

I'm very excited for the next ultrasound so I can feel a bit more certain of how far along I really am. Even more than that, I miss the baby! Getting to see him/her moving around during the first ultrasound made this pregnancy seem real. Since then, I've just been wanting to see that tiny little person waving to me again.

Telling

It has been so much fun telling everyone our wonderful news. I must say that everyone certainly seems surprised. I can't blame them, considering how freaking long it took me to get pregnant.

Today everyone at work wanted to know how we told everyone. Most stories were fairly boring to tell. Some people just got e-mail. Some people got a phone call in which I just blurted out that I was pregnant.

We did something slightly different for the parents. We used the ultrasound to break the news.

First we called my parents and told them that we had a quiz for them to take. We said that we needed to e-mail it to them and we wanted to be on the phone while they took it. It seemed like it took an eternity for the e-mail to get there and for them to download the first picture.

The body of the e-mail just said, "What do you see?" As dad was downloading the picture, mom asked, "Is this going to make us look stupid?" I assured her that it wouldn't.

Finally, mom said that she saw a baby. I could tell by the way she said it that she was still thinking this was a quiz. There was a bit more silence. Then she said, "And? So what do you want to know?" I told her that we wanted to know how they felt about the fourth grandchild.

After a few more minutes of silence, it hit her. I then joked, "Now you look stupid." I'm pretty certain that her reaction indicates that she is more than ready and happy to have another grandchild. I got to talk to my dad momentarily and he also seemed happy.)

After talking with my parents, Cat and I drove to Hollister to tell his mom. We brought a printout of the ultrasound to show her. She wasn't familiar with the concept of an ultrasound so she had no idea what we were showing her. She looked at Cat and said, "What's this?" At first he told her it was an ultrasound but that shed no light on what she was looking at. Finally he just told her it was a baby.

Silence.

Then she said, "Whose is it?"

Ok. So we finally got her to understand that it was OUR baby and that she was FINALLY going to have her first grandchild. She reacted with a heartfelt, "Thanks God!" and clapped her hands as if in prayer. She then gave me two pieces of advice. "Don't be afraid and be careful."

Everyone that we've told reacts in such a wonderful way. Everyone is so happy for us and has had amazingly kind words. I've been reminded again and again of how very loved Cat and I are. My heart is filled to the point of nearly bursting because I know that every ounce of love I feel will be magnified for our child.